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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27709555">all stars eventually burn out</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilaclavenders/pseuds/lilaclavenders'>lilaclavenders</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>all of this turbulence wasn’t forecasted [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Voltron: Legendary Defender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A lot of people love Adam despite how unlikable he think he is, Adam (Voltron) Lives, Adam is a Mama's boy, Adam-Centric, Angst, Coming of Age, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gay Adam (Voltron), Gay Disaster Shiro (Voltron), Gay Shiro (Voltron), Gen, Japanese Keith (Voltron), Japanese Shiro (Voltron), M/M, Many slices of Adam's life, Mixed-race Adam, Slice of Life, sorta - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:01:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,903</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27709555</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilaclavenders/pseuds/lilaclavenders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>    <em>Adam loves stars, loves them more than he’s loved anything in the entire world.</em></p>
  <p>    <em>There’s something peaceful in the heartbreak Adam experiences, when he finds out he’ll die before he reaches the nearest star, and that the stars he’s looking at are most likely dead already, yet we still talk about them as if they're alive. </em><br/>    <em>Distance makes the heart grow fonder - that’s what his mother always said.</em></p>
  <p>    <em>That’s fine, he decides, because he’s okay with loving them at a distance, watching them burn away with no one or nothing to stop them, destroying and creating all in one go.</em></p>
  <p>    <em>It’s nice.</em><br/><br/></p>
</blockquote>Adam's life until <em>that</em> day.
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adam &amp; Colleen Holt, Adam &amp; His family, Adam &amp; Keith &amp; Shiro (Voltron), Adam &amp; Keith (Voltron), Adam &amp; Shiro's family, Adam/Shiro (Voltron)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>all of this turbulence wasn’t forecasted [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1922935</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>all stars eventually burn out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>There is a lot of stuff to read at the end!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p> </p><p>Adam loves stars, loves them more than he’s loved anything in the entire world.</p><p>There’s something peaceful in the heartbreak Adam experiences, when he finds out he’ll die before he reaches the nearest star, and that the stars he’s looking at are most likely dead already, yet we still talk about them as if they're alive.</p><p>Besides, distance makes the heart grow fonder - that’s what his mother always said.</p><p>That’s fine, he decides, because he’s okay with loving them at a distance, watching them burn away with no one or nothing to stop them, destroying and creating all in one go.</p><p>It’s nice.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Today is an ordinary day, and Adam and his sister, Maria, just finished watching one of her favourite romance films, just like they do every Saturday, and she’s not even mad when he points out all the plot inconsistencies for once.</p><p>“But, Adam,” Maria gushes, kicking her feet in the air with giddy, giggly excitement. Her hair is long and curly, and it flies all over the place whenever she laughs, which, if you knew her in any capacity, pretty much happens every few seconds. “I can’t wait to fall in love, you know? I can’t wait for the guy of my dreams to touch my hand by accident, and to watch him melt on the spot because- because, you know?” She dreamily sighs and rests her head on her hand. “I’ll be all he thinks about.”</p><p>“I don’t think any of what you just described can be constituted as love, Ria,” Adam replies with a sigh, staring out the window, watching their mother holding a cigarette, and a glass of something strong with another. </p><p>Their mother doesn’t smoke, she knows better than that. But the smell reminds her of things that happened long ago, and disciplines her when she forgets how much it hurts like some kind of twisted exposure therapy.</p><p>“Adam,” Maria miserably groans.</p><p>He huffs back, “I’m just saying! It’s just unrealistic to pin all your hopes on a single interaction like that- What are you gonna do after that, marry the guy because he looked at you? I’ve never even seen a boy look at you!”</p><p>“You killjoy,” Maria sighs, following her brother’s gaze, “I expected nothing less from your big words and… cynicism.” She gestures vaguely in Adam’s general direction with a look of disdain. </p><p>Adam sticks his tongue out, and Maria grabs him into a bear hug, much to his dismay. She even blows raspberries on his cheek. She must be in a good mood for some reason.</p><p>Adam furiously yells, “You are absolutely disgusting, and no one will ever fall in love with you!”</p><p>Maria laughs, declares that no one can take an angry 15 year old seriously if they still have baby fat on their face, and besides, there <em> is </em> a boy who looks at her sometimes - she even tells him so. </p><p>Adam is secretly grateful that Maria is so forgiving, when she eventually says, “But that’s okay, because I’ll still have you,” and for a moment, they truly are their mother’s children, scrappy and stubborn. They’re fiercely devoted, with their honey irises and ash hair, skin gently kissed by the sun.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em> Adam and Maria’s parents had met in the heat of the Summer, and fell into a deep passionate love that was just as intense. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Elenora was spending her last summer in her Floridian little beach town before she was supposed to leave for university when a hurricane, who Adam will always know as Hugo, had swept into her life, with all the apparent flightiness of any young man with a devastating smile.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Hugo, who was so charming that the sun seemed to love him a little more than the others, begged him to stay out a little longer, made sure he never burned, but shone bronze instead. Tall, dark and handsome, it was as if he walked straight out of a story and into her life, just like a regular God. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Whatever happened that summer was inevitable, because Nora had always been a harbinger for destruction, the result of which left her with a hastily scribbled phone number that promised her far too much on such a small, crumpled piece of paper. No, she hadn’t been a virgin, and he wasn’t really a God, but somehow there was something magical about them. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> She was forced to stop sleepily looking out into the world, and let go of the realisation that the world was too vast for someone like her. She woke up and discovered that she could create her own world, of which was incredibly big to her, but small enough to cradle in her arms.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Elenora had started the summer as a girl, but stepped into autumn preparing to be a mother, picking up the pieces left in summer’s hurricane all by herself.  </em>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The hurricane’s voice is all tinny and crackly over the phone. “<em> Nora </em>,” he huffs impatiently, not at all like the smooth velvet she recalled those years ago.</p><p>Maybe it’s because Adam separated the idea of the boy who once spent all night finding the perfect shell for his mother, from the man on the phone who’s left her again and again. </p><p>Adam’s always been good at compartmentalising, anyway. </p><p>Nora snaps, “What?”</p><p>Hugo tries again, “<em>You don’t have to live like this, to prove that I was wrong-</em>”</p><p>“I love my children more than I loved you,” she accusingly replies. Her brow is strong, and Adam realises with unconscious pride that he got the stubbornness to withstand even the harshest winds from her. “If you think you deserve to see them then you’re wrong.”</p><p>He is almost patronising when he replies, “<em>Why must we fight about this? I love you, Nora, and I’m talking now, shouldn’t that be enough?</em>” </p><p>“This isn’t love,” she coldly responds. She sighs, and continues quietly, “Hugo, people don’t suddenly leave like that because of love.” Her voice breaks a little bit, the way a dying fire crackles. Adam becomes scared of love when she says, “I’m not falling for this again.”</p><p>His mother is the smartest and strongest person he knows, and if she can’t defend herself from whatever love did to her, then how could her children possibly do the same? How will sweet Maria be so giving if someone takes it all away from her?</p><p>“<em>I was young and I hadn’t had any real plans before I met you, I couldn’t just decide to settle down so early in life, I had so much left to learn you have to understand-</em>”</p><p>“<em>I </em> was young, and <em> I </em> had plans before I met you,” Nora points out, on the verge of throwing her phone across the room, eyes glued to a drawer that contained the remains of an unfulfilled Law scholarship, and a life at some Ivy League. “What could possibly be a better lesson than learning how to deal with the consequences of your actions? How can life teach you about being a good person better than <em> this </em>?”</p><p>His mother is the smartest person he knows, if she says she loves her children, then that must be true.</p><p>“<em>You’re right, I’m sorry</em>,” Hugo concedes.</p><p>There are things you must fight for, and things you let rest - even asking for forgiveness is a fight if you want it badly enough. This isn't even a real fight.</p><p>Adam learns that the most violent, brutal fights are the ones that involve your own mind, and not your body, with no gun to end it all, and no one else to blame but yourself. Maybe this is why they are the most unforgiving.</p><p>Nora sighs. It doesn’t feel much of a victory to her. “You can’t say sorry for the things you don’t regret or mean.” </p><p>A hurricane will inevitably wreak havoc wherever it goes, always the villain in the eyes of Man, even though it’s simply carrying out its purpose, nothing more and nothing less. </p><p>Hurricanes just exist.</p><p>“<em>Nora</em>,” Hugo says, plain as day, “<em>I mean it</em>.”</p><p>She bitterly laughs, “Well, you’ve got one hell of a way of showing it.”</p><p>Adam walks out of the living room without ever saying a word, and decides on bringing his empty cup to the kitchen later because he can’t get to the kitchen without crossing the living room first.</p><p>Later on, Adam finds his mother singing quietly while washing the dishes, and the kitchen lights make her glow like it’s dawn. He doesn’t know it yet, but this will be one of the strongest memories he ever has. </p><p>His mother is a fractured piece of stained glass, and the light passes through just the same, just as beautiful even if she’s cracked. A colourful blur. Adam isn’t sure he’ll be able to do the same when the time comes, when he allows for his own heart to fracture like that.</p><p>“Thank you, Honey,” she calls out with a smile so bright; her son almost jumps in shock. She quietly says, “I love you,” and kisses his forehead, holding his cheek with a damp, soapy hand. </p><p>“<em>Mom</em>-”</p><p>“Don’t you forget that, okay?”</p><p>“I won’t,” he promises.</p><p>Hurricanes just exist, and Adam hates that Hugo isn’t really this cartoon villain who ruined his mother’s life. </p><p>But it’s okay, because Adam knows she would choose them again in a heartbeat, even if it meant her heart would break with as much force as she loves.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Adam knows it’s summer whenever his neighbour’s nephew comes down to visit for a couple of months, and he has yet to come up with a legitimate explanation for why the sun seems to shine brighter whenever he visits, and why the skies turn grey when he leaves.</p><p>Adam wants to believe that it’s not just the changing of the seasons, that there is more than meets the eye.</p><p>Beautiful, blue-eyed Cameron and his battered truck pull up. The door slams open and shut, the noise echoing down the street so loudly that the dogs across the street start yapping, and Mrs. Yang-Smith starts shushing them almost as loud as they bark.</p><p>All Adam knows about Cameron is that plays the guitar at ungodly hours of the night, and that he’s a year older than Maria, and three and a half years older than gangly Adam. His hair is the colour of golden syrup in the sun. Adam kind of wants to run his hands through those curls the way a kite desperately swipes for somewhere to land in the unforgiving wind (neither of which will ever happen.) </p><p>Maria giggles whenever he goes into the garden to pick tomatoes for his Uncle, and he waves at them through holes in the fence, with calloused fingers and a grin. She always giggles, and Adam gets irritated when she does because that means Cameron’s there too, and if he’s there, then Adam gets distracted for the rest of the day. </p><p>Adam’s always distracted these days.</p><p>“Oh,” Adam says, one day, when Cameron unceremoniously hands him a basket of fresh vegetables. Their hands brush, and Adam feels like he’s been electrocuted. Well, he’s never electrocuted himself, but decides to take a leaf out of Maria’s romantic idealism just this once. “Uh- Thanks, Cameron.”</p><p>“I mean, my Uncle can’t eat them all, and besides I heard Maria makes a great Casserole, so I was thinking she could put these to better use,” Cameron says with a grin, slowly backing away. “Also, call me Cam- Everyone else does.”</p><p>“Okay, Cam,” Adam quietly replies over the vegetables as Cameron makes his way back into his house. </p><p>Adam has this irrational thought, this fleeting wish that his mother should have given him a name he could shorten, just so Cam could call him by a nickname too.</p><p>Cam looks back once and gives Adam a lop-sided smile and a little salute. “See ‘ya around, Adam.” </p><p>Adam reluctantly supposes hearing Cam say his name in general is just as nice. </p><p>Later, Adam brews and stews, works himself in a self-loathing stupor because his hand accidentally brushed Cameron’s, and even his god-damned smile stays with him until the early hours of the morning. It’s all Adam sees every time he shuts his eyes in an attempt to fall asleep. </p><p>It’s terrible.</p><p>The same four chords play in a row, gentle and terribly, terribly determined, muffled through the wall. When he finally gives into sleep, Adam dreams something just as terribly sweet as the romance movies his sister makes him watch, makes him wonder how many words rhyme with his name and if Cam can put them all into a song.</p><p>Adam dreams his summer away after that.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“That’s Perseus and Andromeda,” Adam whispers one night, as Cam picks at some daisies by the space underneath Adam’s elevated arm. Adam’s not as nervous anymore, and he can now stand to be around Cam for hours at a time now. He can smell freshly picked strawberries, since Cam’s been picking them ever since Adam told him he liked them.</p><p>“Hm,” Cam replies, curious. He’s trying to stare at wherever Adam’s pointing, and for the first time in his life, Adam wishes his 17 year old arms weren’t so wiry. “I’ve been interested in Greek myths lately, do you know much about them?”</p><p>“Not really, but uh, my sister does,” Adam eventually says, slightly embarrassed about the lack of knowledge he has on the arts. He supposes only someone like Cam, probably made of something more poetic than a combination of atoms, would know about the finer things in life. It takes all of Adam’s willpower to calmly say, “But I’ll read about them too, I guess.”</p><p>Cam chuckles and pops a strawberry into his mouth, and Adam has to force every muscle in his mouth to bite back a smile. “Want one?”</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>Adam thinks about the first time he asked his mother about love. Nora smiled once, and told him not to be afraid. Her voice isn’t as golden as the prophets, but it’s as sweet as honey, and settles the way his stomach aches, if only for a while. </p><p>She said as she reached for Adam with an outstretched arm, “All scientists make mistakes, Adam, and <em> life </em> is the biggest experiment ever carried out! So go make as many mistakes as you want, as long as you learn from them.”</p><p>For the next week, in the hours where no one but the stars themselves are the only ones who witness his plight, Adam furiously reads Maria’s battered copies of ancient Greek myths, committing it to memory and picturing himself as headstrong Perseus, who somehow stumbles upon this wonder of a woman, kills the monster and saves the day, finally worthy of love. </p><p>Adam is prepared to fight this battle, storming around the house with purpose, until he finds the boy he spent the past summer pining over in his sister’s arms. They’re whispering so quietly that he can’t tell what they’re talking about, faces so close that he wonders if they were ever supposed to be apart in the first place, as if they were the very constellations he read about themselves.</p><p>The legends insisted that Andromeda was strong and beautiful, and offensively so that it triggered some kind of divine intervention. Suddenly, all Adam can see in that faded depiction of Andromeda is sweet, darling Maria, whose gaze is so much softer than Adam’s despite the fact they were blessed with the same honey irises by the same woman. </p><p>There’s an ugly monster crawling inside of him, and somehow he’s already been defeated before he even had a chance to strike, and the shield isn’t anything more than the mirror that Adam can’t look away from as Cam says something incredibly lethal like-</p><p>“I know I’m leaving tomorrow, but I couldn’t go without telling you that I think about you so much that it makes me feel dizzy.”</p><p>Adam suddenly hates that his sister always leaves doors ajar, finds the sound of her pretty giggling the most excruciating thing, and is suddenly aware of the way the house is too small to contain this tsunami inside him. </p><p>He immediately retreats, staggering out into the garden, where his mother lays down on the grass, already patting the space next to her, beckoning for him to tend to his wounds.</p><p>“Tell me about the stars, Honey,” Nora says on a steady exhale, as Adam curls up in her arm, close enough to feel her heartbeat and the soft rumble that accompanies her words. He’s glad she stopped chasing after hurricanes.</p><p>“Okay, Mom,” Adam obliges, trying to ignore the way his heart seems to be tearing apart as his mother unknowingly puts it back together at the same time.</p><p>Yes, Adam knows the hardest battles are the ones you must fight in your mind, no way to escape but to see it through to the end. </p><p>If there is an end.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Later that year, on Christmas Eve, Maria makes her Casserole like she always does, and as she comes back from checking on it, Cam suddenly appears, a mirage in the desert, out of place amongst the lights, the ivy and tinsel, but glows just as brightly.</p><p>He gets down on one knee before Maria finishes untying her apron, and she laughs so much that she cries, letting golden Cam and his lop-sided grin spin her effortlessly around the living room, burying a hatchet Adam had already placed within himself deeper.</p><p>It’s the middle of winter, but it feels dreadfully like the summer Adam so desperately wished to escape. </p><p>Adam immediately decides that he is not made for love, for the light that bathes his sister with the life she had always dreamed of. He knows he doesn’t fit anywhere in that picture, because surely there isn’t a person on this Earth who can love him with that much intensity. </p><p>Adam knows it’s stupid, because he was never going to tell Cam about all of this, anyway. It’s good, even, that Adam will never be able to tell him. He can just look at him from afar, just like the stars, and if he squints, golden Cam looks just like one of them. </p><p>It’s safe, loving stars at a distance.</p><p>Nora’s voice reaches, past the rising tides of Adam’s raging grief like it’s nothing. She offers, “Shall we go check on the food?”</p><p><em> Oh </em>, Adam realises belatedly. There’s always been someone who loves him more than he’ll love himself, more than he can ever imagine.</p><p>But Adam rarely makes a decision only to go back on it. If this is a mistake, then he’s going to make sure he learns one hell of a lesson.</p><p>So he decides to go west, where things don’t grow, where hurricanes will never pass, and Adam can do what he does best in peace.</p><p>
  <em> Love people at a distance. </em>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The day before Adam leaves for the Garrison is just as ordinary as all the other days in summer. He’s lying down in the garden, with his hand outstretched to the night sky, uselessly pointing at Perseus and Andromeda, a pointless last ditch attempt to rewrite fate with his wiry arms, forcing the rebirths of constellations so he won’t be reminded anymore.</p><p>“Adam,” Maria calls from the back door.</p><p>Adam sighs, and calls back, “Out here.”</p><p>She scurries by Adam’s side, before dropping to the ground to curl up next to her. Her curls get in his face, but he doesn’t mind. She quietly asks, “We don’t know when we’ll get married- Hell, we don’t even have the money for any kind of venue yet, but I wanted to know your answer before anything else.” </p><p>There’s a moment of silence, as the canyon formed between the two siblings disappears as soon as the words leave her mouth.</p><p>“Will you walk me down the aisle?” She offers a hand.</p><p>He takes it. “Of course,” Adam replies in a heartbeat, because if his sister has been so forgiving all these years, surely he owes her for such a feat. “But what about Mom?”</p><p>“You’re the first person who I worked hard to love- Mom will always love me, and I’m grateful, but you helped me grow in ways you’ll never begin to know,” Maria says, squeezing Adam’s hand the way she does whenever she feels like crying. “I’m so mad at you- I’m gonna miss you so much.”</p><p>Adam rarely tells people he loves them, and the amount of times he says it per year steadily decreases. He knows this, but it dawns on him that his wiry arms have been the one holding his sister up this entire time, and not her bright and shiny optimism. This will be more honest than any declaration of love will wish to be.</p><p>Maybe distance isn’t what he needs, but it’s too late. Adam rarely goes back on a choice he makes, prefers to be right than anything else. </p><p>“Okay,” Adam says tightly, as his throat closes up into a small hiccup. It’s like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders and he doesn’t know whether to feel relieved or not.</p><p>Maria smiles, and leaves it at that. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Adam sits in his assigned seat, turns around and boredly asks, “Takashi Shirogane?” </p><p>Adam knows who he is, but only through retellings of myth-like tales. ‘Shiro’ is predicted to become one of the best pilots the Garrison has ever seen, he walks through the hallways with a certain magnetism that can only be found in stars like him. </p><p>The crowds part like the red sea, and waves of whispers come to a crescendo whenever Takashi walks by, as if he has more to offer in his arms than this little planet of theirs, as if all of their worshipping will amount to something, like he’s a regular God, or something.</p><p>Adam, however, doesn’t really care how handsome or talented Shiro is, and wants to be able to look at the stars, explore a few planets, and maybe become an esteemed name in the world of astrophysics along the way. </p><p>Currently, in order to do that, he has to pass this mathematics class.</p><p>In order to pass his mathematics class, he has to get at least 80% on a group project in order to meet his requirements to allow a comfortable amount of error in the exams he will take later that year. That means he has to get along with his group, of which includes Shiro.</p><p>Shiro blinks for a moment, almost surprised that he’s no longer staring at the back of Adam’s head before replying, “Hi?”</p><p>“I’m Adam,” Adam says, with an amused smile and a raised brow. Just staring at Shiro’s bashful gaze makes Adam forgive him for not paying attention, perhaps that’s just how people act around him. </p><p>His mother <em> did </em> say love didn’t need forgiveness to burn bright in its darkest hours. Adam wants to roll his eyes at the thought. He can imagine her raising a well-manicured brow, a hand on her hip and an annoyingly self-righteous smirk on her face. </p><p>“Right,” Shiro says, at a loss for words. </p><p>“We’re working together for the project,” Adam teasingly replies. He adds with a sigh that he hasn’t used since he last talked to his sister, “I hope you’re not this unfocused all the time, because I kinda need to pass this class.”</p><p>“Uh, right, sorry, me too,” Shiro says apologetically, scratching the back of his neck, as if Adam isn’t aware that he’s kind of like a celebrity in the Garrison. He smiles sheepishly when he says, “You can call me Shiro.” He quickly adds, “If you want.”</p><p>“Okay, I’ll keep that in mind, <em> Takashi </em>,” Adam laughs and rolls his eyes, because he doesn’t think even Takashi is aware that he’s kind of like a celebrity. </p><p>It’s, for lack of a better word, nice.</p><p>“That- Uh- That works too,” Takashi replies, as Adam shakes his head and turns back around to greet the others in their group. For some odd reason, he wonders if that’s what he sounded like during his first conversations with Cam. </p><p>Besides, Takashi couldn’t possibly be this unfocused with anyone else he meets, otherwise Adam would’ve heard about it by now.</p><p>Maybe today isn’t as ordinary as he first thought.</p><p>It’s nice.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Adam is in the middle of studying for his midterms when his mother calls, and they are both as frazzled as each other. Maria is still two years older than him, and Cam is still three and a half years older than Adam, who’s no longer as gangly as he was before. Not that it matters anymore.</p><p>“You have to come for the wedding, Adam,” Nora sighs, her voice crackling through the phone. “It’s in June,” she adds weakly, as if she anticipates the tsunami of ache in Adam's heart from thousands of miles away, preparing to heal his heart once more. </p><p>He thinks she’s probably known for years, because she knows heartbreak when she sees it, greets it like an old friend who always outstays their welcome, and is insistent on staying with you into the quiet hours of the night, pointing out your flaws like it’s nothing.</p><p>Adam shrugs helplessly and says what he’s been practising for the past week, perfecting a way to lie to his mother without actually lying. “I have exams then, and I want to be able to secure the top spot for the year- I don’t know what the schedule is like then, and I’m signed up to do summer internships, schemes and stuff.”</p><p>The truth is, Adam has an <em> estimation </em> for his schedule for the next couple of years - he specifically requested for as much information as possible within the first few days of enrolment. </p><p>He’s already worked out the wedding date a while ago, because he knows his sister well, he knows she would choose<em> the </em> day, when Cam would always come back, like it’s Persephone returning for the spring.</p><p>He knows it’s exactly three weeks after all exams are finished, and his internship begins in the middle of July. Adam has the grey calendar sheet that every Cadet gets during initiation week, looming over his desk, full of scribbles, highlighter stripes and stray post-it notes; he looks at the squares with an overwhelming sense of dread and guilt.</p><p>“<em>You can bring someone if you want</em>,” Nora offers, an olive branch. </p><p>Adam scoffs, but there’s a fleeting thought in the back of his mind, sitting on the tip of his tongue. But that seed has just been planted, too early for any sowing of any kind.</p><p>“<em>Honey</em>,” Nora tries, in the tired, motherly tone that seems to be reserved for Adam because he always chooses the hard path. “<em>You know we all worry about you, right?</em>”</p><p>“I’m eating three meals a day, I get to learn about the things I’m passionate about, and there’s a gym a few doors down- I put my SPF on everyday. I have everything I need,” Adam sighs, because he’s said this before. </p><p>Nora laughs wearily, “<em>Oh, Honey, you had all of that at home- You could’ve gotten the exact same things back home and even more</em>.”</p><p>“I know, Mom,” Adam quietly replies, hesitantly circling the 30th of June with his pencil with a shaky hand. “It’s, uh, it’s a lot colder here, they keep the air conditioning on a lot.”</p><p>Nora sighs shakily, “<em>Oh, I miss you too, Adam</em>.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Yes, the first time Adam met Takashi was a devastatingly ordinary day, with no summer heat or slam of a pickup truck to jumpstart Adam’s nerves. He insists it was ordinary for some reason.</p><p>“Oh <em> shit</em>,” Adam belatedly realises, with a hiss, almost a few months after meeting Takashi. He uselessly pats his pockets. “I forgot my meal card back in my dorm.”</p><p>Takashi laughs, and it’s like honey when he says, “That’s good, because I have far too much for one person anyway.” He opens his bag and pulls out two bento boxes, and waves the yellow one towards Adam. It has the carefully prepared little octopus-shaped hotdogs Adam had offhandedly mentioned he wanted to try a couple of days ago, and he laughs and laughs until his glasses fall off his face.</p><p>“You did say you wanted to try them,” Takashi sheepishly says while Adam has to wipe a couple of grains of rice from his glasses. </p><p>“I thought you said you accidentally made too much food,” Adam suspiciously says, noting the lack of octopus hotdogs in Takashi’s own box. He picks one up and eats it, humming quietly in delight.</p><p>Takashi smiles, and he shrugs. “Did I say it was an accident?” He avoids Adam’s discerning gaze. He’s nervous; he hasn’t been in a while.</p><p>It’s nice.</p><p>Adam raises a brow and rolls his eyes, trying his hardest to seem unimpressed. He deadpans, “You packed me a homemade lunch- I swear to God, <em> Takashi </em>, are you my mother or something?”</p><p>Like Maria, Takashi has a seemingly infinite amount of patience for these sorts of games. </p><p>“I’m not sure if <em> that </em> was how I wanted you to interpret this,” Takashi laughs, and he has this shy look in his eyes that makes Adam sigh. “But if you won’t look after yourself, I’m gonna have to start looking after you,” he says, less of a threat than a promise.</p><p>Adam doesn’t have this moment of internal explosion, where his hands start to sweat, where the world turns upside down. </p><p>It’s a lot more softer than that, like drinking a cup of coffee in the morning in order to slowly catch up with how awake the rest of the world is. </p><p>Adam knows that the world was perfectly fine as it was, so the only explanation is that he’s finally figured out his place in it, like the last piece of a puzzle being found after years of searching. It’s like waiting for an ice cube to melt, slowly and surely, and the more it melts, the more Adam feels warm, aware that something better awaits, if he allows himself to take the risk.</p><p>It’s gradual, and it’s sweet.</p><p>Most of all, it’s nice.</p><p>Adam rarely gets to have nice things these days.</p><p>Takashi belongs in the spaces in Adam’s schedule, the spaces between Adam’s fingers, and anywhere else Adam may find himself. He’s a little bit obnoxious sometimes, but only in the way someone with that much optimism and faith can have, so he doesn’t mind that Adam’s stubborn - in fact, Takashi likes it.</p><p>Adam started dreaming about Cam when he was about 16 years old, but lately he can’t seem to imagine a life where Takashi isn’t there. </p><p>It’s impossible, Adam realises. In the same way he knows he’ll always see the stars at night, he comfortably embraces the inevitability of his reality.</p><p>No, he will not uproot himself from his plans to be able to gaze at the stars for the rest of his life, but he has two hands, and he can reach for the stars with one hand while he reaches out for Takashi’s with the other.</p><p>Not that he would admit any of that out loud, of course.</p><p>Adam believes the day he met Takashi was ordinary because maybe, just maybe, he was always meant to be in Adam’s life, and that’s how it’ll be. </p><p>That, Adam knows, is a life that’s a little bit more than ordinary. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The day Takashi directly admits he has feelings for Adam is another ordinary day, where the winds of winter are starting to slow down, making sure not to go too fast otherwise it’ll overstep its boundaries into spring’s dry heat. Arizona isn’t very poetic or romantic, though Adam supposes he isn’t either.</p><p>It’s ordinary because they’re on his bed, looking over mathematical equations when Takashi suddenly says, “I like you.”</p><p>“I know,” Adam responds, and he shuffles closer to Takashi.</p><p>“Like <em> ‘I would like to date you’ </em> like you,” Takashi nervously elaborates, trying to keep his eyes focused on whatever Adam’s writing, failing to keep his panic at bay. </p><p>“I know,” Adam repeats, sliding his hand into Takashi’s own.</p><p>“Uh,” Takashi begins, and his ears begin to go red as he frowns.</p><p>“I’ve never seen you this flustered, Takashi,” Adam continues, and he pecks Takashi’s cheek precisely once because he’ll lose his cool if he gives him more. So Adam just keeps his head hovering close to Takashi’s, and whispers into the shell of his ear, “It’s nice.”</p><p>Adam decides he deserves nice things, and he’s never gone back on a decision. </p><p>Not once.</p><p>Takashi unamusedly replies, “Oh yeah, very funny.” Adam is still close enough that he can feel both of their heart rates quickening over something they both already knew about.</p><p>“It is funny,” Adam agrees. He shifts to look at Takashi properly, but the latter pulls the former into a tight embrace. He warningly asks, “<em> Takashi </em>, what are you doing?”</p><p>He’s still kind enough to give Adam a warning. “I’ll stop if you admit you like me too,” Takashi not-so-apologetically responds, and he begins to poke his fingers into the sides of Adam’s stomach. </p><p>“Ack-”</p><p>“You know you only act like an asshole when you don’t want to talk about <em> feelings </em>!”</p><p>Adam yelps, wriggling around like a fish out of water, “For the love of God, <em> Takashi </em>!”</p><p>Takashi stops tickling Adam for a moment. He meekly asks with a grin, “Yes?”</p><p>“You’re so annoying,” Adam huffs, blowing his hair out of his face. He watches the way Takashi looks at him, like he’s the answer to all his questions. </p><p>“I know,” Takashi says, and he pokes his tongue out, licking the tip of Adam’s nose in the process.</p><p>Adam hisses, “You are a disgusting, old man.”</p><p>“I know,” Takashi repeats, and he blows a raspberry on Adam’s cheek in retaliation. “Also, I’m only a few months older than you.”</p><p>“<em>Ew </em>- I can’t believe that I like you,” Adam groans, and Takashi finally releases his grip on Adam, who oddly misses their close proximity. “Ugh.”</p><p>“Deal with it,” Takashi says with a grin, getting up before offering a hand out to Adam. There’s a light in his eyes as fleeting as a comet, and dances just so. “I’m hungry, let’s go on a date.”</p><p>Adam dryly asks, “To the cafeteria?” </p><p>“Do <em> you </em> have any other ideas?”</p><p>Adam casually suggests, “We could eat some of the cakes my Mom sent me on the rooftop?”</p><p>Takashi adds, “To watch the sunset?”</p><p>“That’s what we usually do,” he replies, rolling his eyes. </p><p>“Yeah, okay,” Takashi says, grabbing his jacket from the back of Adam’s chair to put it on. He mutters, “And you say you’re not romantic.”</p><p>“I’m not,” Adam flippantly replies, waving a hand in dismissal. “Anyway,” he continues, pointedly avoiding Takashi’s gaze, “we do this all the time, it’s not… out of the ordinary.”</p><p>“Ah, I had a suspicion you were secretly taking me on dates this whole time,” Takashi says with a lilt in his voice, mockingly saccharine. He playfully elbows Adam but is sincere when he says, “Thank you for confirming my hypothesis.”</p><p>“<em> No </em> - No I wasn’t,” Adam replies in mild horror, because maybe being with Takashi is as easy as breathing, but <em> oh God </em> , it’s kind of like he’s been in a coming-of-age romance novel this whole time. “I <em> wasn’t, </em>” he insists.</p><p>“Mhm.”</p><p><em> Maybe it’s because you are coming of age, Adam</em>, his mind supplies, in Maria’s giddy voice. <em> You've liked him for a long time and you’re only just realising this now. How does it feel? </em></p><p>“Your hypothesis sucks,” Adam grumpily mutters, vexed he didn’t see this sooner.</p><p>This moment is reminiscent of the journey Maria took to unlearn her irrational hatred of the colour pink, and became someone who protests about reproductive rights and intersectional feminism, and someone who prepares her fiance’s dinner before he comes home, all in one. </p><p>Perhaps that’s why she’s so insistent on loving romance films, because she’s learned that being codependent doesn’t (and shouldn’t) take away her own independence and identity. </p><p>“How embarrassing,” Takashi teases, kissing Adam with a grin. It doesn’t feel like a spark, but an all encompassing warmth. It screams, <em> you bring out the good in me, and I’m grateful</em>.</p><p>Oddly enough, Adam is okay with that.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Adam brings Takashi home for the wedding, much to Nora’s delight.</p><p>“Did you bring your tie?”</p><p>Adam huffs, “Yes, Takashi, in fact, you insisted on buying not one, not two, but five ties in varying shades of blue that are all pressed and folded in my suitcase. You know, I had to sacrifice space from my coffee stash for these ties.”</p><p>Takashi bites his lip and quietly says, “I’m sorry, love- I’m nervous, okay?”</p><p>“Hey,” Adam gently grabs Takashi’s face, brings it close to his and fiercely says, “If they somehow managed to raise me, then loving you will be like a breeze.”</p><p>If Adam loves Takashi, then isn’t that enough?</p><p>
  <em> Maybe, maybe not. </em>
</p><p>Takashi shakily laughs, and weakly places his hands on top of Adam’s. “Okay.”</p><p>“Besides, there’s a couple of weeks until the wedding, and there’s a Target near my house if we need to return any of our extra ties.”</p><p>“Okay,” Takashi says again, squeezing Adam’s hand.</p><p>Adam watches Takashi fall asleep on his shoulder on the plane from Phoenix, and he kisses the top of his head. He doesn’t know how to say I love you just yet, but he hopes that Takashi will understand.</p><p>Adam doesn’t say <em> I love you</em>, but distracts Takashi with childhood stories during the bus ride from the airport as his leg bounces with nervousness, fuelled by his nap on the plane. Adam doesn’t usually talk about his childhood, but he’ll make an exception for Takashi.</p><p>Adam doesn’t say<em> I love you</em>, but his smile is bashful when he introduces Takashi to his family, and hovers around him to make sure he settles in well, and he doesn’t run away when his mother starts asking him questions about their relationship, even with a concerned furrow in her brow.</p><p>Adam doesn’t say <em> I love you</em>, but he makes sure Takashi takes his medication before going to bed, and gently massages Takashi’s leg muscles. He even willingly talks about a hurricane that has only ever passed through his life once.</p><p>“Shiro,” Maria abruptly announces, and it’s a week before the wedding, “I need to grab a few things, some last minute shopping, you know?”</p><p>“Right,” Takashi says, understandably a little confused. </p><p>Adam scoffs and smirks. He knows where this is going.</p><p>She smiles patiently, ignoring Adam, and asks, “Do you want to come with me?” </p><p>“Sure, uh,” Takashi helplessly looks back at Adam, who shrugs.</p><p>“Adam always complains when I take him to Target, and says I always leave having almost emptied out the entire place,” Maria says. “But I can’t help it, there’s always something I didn’t realise I needed in that place!”</p><p>“You really didn’t need all five of those ceramic salad bowls-”</p><p>“They were on sale for 10 dollars, and they even had little moons and stars on them- Besides, they make family barbecues a lot easier to deal with!” She crosses her arms and adds, “Even Cam agrees!”</p><p>“I like salad bowls,” Takashi helpfully adds.</p><p>Adam bites his bottom lip to cover up his smile.</p><p>Cam poorly hides his amusement as he comes back into the kitchen with a basket of freshly picked strawberries from the garden. He pops one into his mouth and jokingly asks, “Why are you dragging me into this?”</p><p>Maria indignantly replies while stealing a strawberry, “We’re getting married! Why wouldn’t I drag you into this?!”</p><p>Adam rolls his eyes and interjects, “Just go with her, Takashi, but bring your suit just in case, with the amount of time Ria spends in there, you might just end up being late for the wedding.”</p><p>“Noted,” Takashi replies, and he presses a kiss to his temple before following Adam’s squawking sister out the door.</p><p>There’s a comfortable silence as Cam wordlessly offers Adam some strawberries, reminded of all those summers where Cam would stargaze with him in the garden, eating strawberries.</p><p>“I’ve never seen you this happy before,” Cam observes, watching Maria and Takashi drive away from the window. “It’s nice.”</p><p>Adam asks in quiet disbelief, “Really?” </p><p>“Really,” Cam reassures, though slightly amused at how quiet Adam is. </p><p>Adam would usually argue back by now, or reply with a sarcastic quip. Instead he nods, speechless. </p><p>“If we had this conversation a few years ago, you would’ve pulled this oddly strained face like you were gonna vomit- Oh, wow, you’re doing it now.”</p><p>Adam hums in thought. He eventually replies, a little choked up. “I guess being away from your awful guitar playing does wonders to a man.”</p><p>Cam playfully elbows him and rolls his eyes, because he specifically remembers trying to teach Adam how to play guitar too. He’s actually quite good. Instead of bringing that up, he kindly replies, “Just come home more often, alright? Maria’s not mad that you left, you know that right?”</p><p>Adam shakes his head self-deprecatingly and admits, “I haven’t called her or held a proper text conversation with her in almost a year.”</p><p>“Then you can just change that,” Cam patiently says. He eats another strawberry and continues, “We care about you more than you’ll ever know, and even though we don’t see you all the time, we know you feel the same way underneath it all.”</p><p>Adam laughs, “I should’ve known it would take more than that to get rid of her.”</p><p>Cam laughs too, and pats Adam’s shoulder as Nora comes in to start making dinner. They both get up from their chairs and help out, messing around with vegetable peels as if they had never been apart in the first place. </p><p>Adam is prepared to feel something sharp when Cam laughs at how the potato peels fall on his golden syrup curls, but he doesn’t feel anything at all.</p><p>It’s nice.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>The wedding isn’t as bad as Adam thought it would be, because any day with Takashi by his side could never be bad.</p><p>Takashi is wearing the first tie he packed, and predictably ended up returning all the other ones during his ‘impromptu’ shopping trip with Maria. He’s crying too, and lets an equally teary Nora squeeze his hand as Adam begins to walk Maria down the aisle. </p><p>It’s funny, because not even an hour ago Maria was running around the venue making sure all the flower arrangements were fine, and hysterically making sure that her make-up artist found their house just fine. </p><p>Now she’s serene, and Adam now sees how much Maria looks like their mother, and not their Father. It makes him a bit dizzy with happiness.</p><p>“I’m happy,” Maria excitedly whispers as she takes her first steps, looping her arm around Adam’s, “I’ve managed to wrangle all the people I love under one roof.”</p><p>“Even Takashi?” He offers his arm.</p><p>She takes it, and furiously nods. Her veil bobs up and down as she repeats, “Even Takashi.”</p><p>Adam wonders what happened in Target. If his sister is anything like him, he’ll probably never know.</p><p>The reception goes off without a hitch, until Adam makes his speech. He had planned to make everyone laugh, make them ask <em> how on earth is Maria Rose related to this boy? </em></p><p>“One of my favourite memories is when Maria spun me around the room after watching this terrible rom-com for the first time. She still watches it to this day- I think it’s called<em> Four Weddings and a Funeral</em>?”</p><p>“Oh, shut up, you killjoy," Maria squawks, “you love that one as much as I do!”</p><p>“Love is a strong word, I merely tolerate it more than the others, Ria,” Adam replies, sticking his tongue out for extra measure. “<em> Love Rosie </em>, for example, is a lot more unrealistic and I’m already a very impatient person- I mean, why didn’t he just tell her he loved her from the start?”</p><p>He doesn’t understand how it all goes wrong, because everyone stops laughing soon after that.</p><p>“So from very early on, I’ve always had to be the rational one, the logical one. Even though I’m the younger sibling, I’ve always felt this incessant need to protect my sister the way no one protected our mother when she was our age- And everyone loves Maria, so I wouldn’t mind being the one everyone loved a little less, if it meant one of us could live a life where they were happy and not set up for disappointment.”</p><p>“Adam,” Maria softly calls out.</p><p>“You know, I’d secretly enjoy watching these movies, even if they were unrealistic and some of them were kinda misogynistic and reinforced gender stereotypes...” The crowd quietly laughs, and Adam can hear the people he loves laughing the loudest. “They made me understand what Ria wanted in life, but it also made me understand what I wanted too.”</p><p>Adam looks up from his papers to see that the entire room is in tears, sniffling, Takashi and Maria the loudest of them all. He fights the urge to roll his eyes because he’s tearing up too. </p><p>“I just wanted her to be happy- And if anyone knows Maria, which I hope you do since you’re at her wedding,” The crowd laughs again. “Well, then you know exactly what I mean when I say she makes you want to be a better person.” Adam clears his throat as he turns around. “Cam?”</p><p>Cam replies, “Yeah?”</p><p>“Make sure everyday you spend with Maria is just as wonderful as the last,” Adam says, with a grin. “Then maybe maybe she won’t need those silly movies anymore since she’ll be living in one.”</p><p>“I’ll do my best,” Cam replies, eyes just as watery as Adam’s.  “I’ll take it from here.”</p><p>The whole room sits in silence for a moment before filling up with applause, and some teary cheers, much to Adam’s surprise.</p><p>Adam eventually nods, passes the microphone to Cam, and kisses Maria’s forehead before she can say anything back. He feels like he’s floating on air, understands the meaning <em> ‘the truth sets you free’ </em> as he sits back down, and is happily wedged between his mother and Takashi. They immediately grab each of his hands under the table and squeeze them.</p><p>Adam doesn’t say he loves people very often, but he sure as hell shows it.</p><p>“You’re just like your sister,” Nora whispers, and it’s all Adam has ever wanted to hear. “You’re just like me.”</p><p>Adam’s voice is strained when he asks, “Really?”</p><p>“Really, Honey.” </p><p>The truth really does set you free. Maybe he should try it more often.</p><p>“I love you,” Adam quietly admits under the stars, hours deep into the reception, ties loose around their necks and top buttons undone. Maria and Cam are out on the veranda, talking, and Nora’s sleepily watching Cam’s younger cousins skip around in the grass. The other guests are slowly dispersing onto the dance floor with drinks in their stomach and euphoria in their smiles.</p><p>“You beat me to it,” Takashi says, and pulls him onto the dance floor to something slow.</p><p>“I’m not good at dancing,” Adam grumbles.</p><p>“Good thing you’ve got me then,” Takashi slyly replies with a beam, far too dazzling for the night.</p><p>All that Adam can do is laugh as Takashi’s arms snake around his back, feeling the rumble of their shared laughter as they move closer together, a little bit tipsy, a little bit in love.</p><p>They dance in each other's arms for what seems like forever, and all Adam can feel is how fast Takashi’s heart is racing when he finally says, “I love you too.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Adam meets Samuel and Matthew Holt on a regular day, too. </p><p>Well, Adam already knows Matt. He’s a couple of years younger than Takashi and Adam, and sometimes pushes his glasses up his nose like an anime character when he remembers to, which Adam finds slightly funny. Adam eventually realises that Sam forgets he even has glasses on his face half the time, which he finds even funnier.</p><p>Instead of greeting Adam, Matt says, “It’s funny to see you by yourself, you know?” </p><p>Adam incredulously says, “Huh?”</p><p>“You and Shiro always walk together like you’re a set,” Matt admits sheepishly. “It’s nice ‘cause it’s like every other person here is either married to science or piloting.”</p><p>“Huh,” Adam says, with finality, because he seems to distinctly remember both himself and Takashi both love science and piloting, respectively.</p><p>As part of his summer internship with the Garrison, Adam has to shadow a senior officer for a few months while Takashi goes home for a couple of months during the summer to visit his family back in New York. </p><p>Adam hates how much space Takashi has taken up in his life. </p><p>He hates it because he’s gotten so used to it, and everything in his brain echoes louder than before - thoughts, feelings and memories he has to sort out by himself without Takashi there to help him.</p><p>“Officer Holt-”</p><p>“Just call me Sam,” Sam says, smiling and briefly putting a hand on Adam’s shoulder.</p><p>“Okay, Sam,” Adam offhandedly replies. Matt babbles in the background about coding in a way that even Adam and his one semester’s knowledge on coding can’t keep up with. It’s getting a bit much, and suddenly Adam doesn’t know if he’s doing the right thing, taking the right path in order to get to the stars because this all seems awfully complicated. “Be right back, I just need some coffee.”</p><p>“Sure,” Sam replies, grabbing a clean mug in one hand, but almost handing Adam a test sample with another to which Adam awkwardly laughs, grabbing the mug before briskly walking out the door while Sam belatedly yells an apology.</p><p>Most importantly, Adam gets to know his professor from that coding module he took that one semester. Colleen Holt, who shines under the yellow lights of the Garrison hallways, the way his mother did all those years ago, almost walks into him as he exits the lab. </p><p>“Hello, Adam,” Colleen says with a knowing smile. “Are my boys already too much for you?”</p><p>“Uh,” Adam replies, trying to blink his tears away. “I’m just a bit tired, that’s all.”</p><p>“I see,” she says with sympathy, looking at her watch, and Adam feels a sudden burst of homesickness on top of everything else. “Shall we get something to drink?” There’s a beat of bewildered silence from his end, so she pats her thighs and says, “Well, what are you waiting for? Let’s go!”</p><p>“Right,” Adam mutters, echoing Colleen, “Let’s go.”</p><p>He follows her like a duckling, and listens to how her morning has been. She doesn’t expect him to respond with more than appropriately timed grunts and hums. She smiles when he starts answering in words. </p><p>She guffaws when her and Adam immediately make their way to the corner of the staff kitchen, to the loose panel where Iverson stores his Italian coffee. Adam knows this latest stock was just imported last night.</p><p>“It’s apparent that this is<em> not </em>your first rodeo, Adam,” Colleen says with a raised brow and a dangerous smile. “Hm?”</p><p>“Well, Professor Holt-”</p><p>“Colleen’s fine, Dear,” Colleen gently says, patient. Soft as butter, honey, even</p><p>Taking a deep breath, Adam declares, “Well, Colleen, it was an accidental discovery, fuelled by sleep-deprivation during my first exam season, my acute sense of smell and the overarching feeling of injustice at the shit that is the cafeteria’s instant coffee, even though this institution is one of the most technologically advanced. I consider this retribution.”</p><p>“I do keep saying that Iverson is very tight with the budget, but not with his own wallet,” Colleen agrees, with an approving nod, “Wonderful report, Cadet, you have the makings of a Holt.”</p><p>“Ah,” Adam replies, “but I have my mother’s stubbornness and temper.”</p><p>“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” she tuts, and it’s genuine. “All the best scientists must have resilience and passion, otherwise nothing will ever get done.”</p><p>He remembers that phone call, the way his mother’s eyes brewed up a storm bigger than anything nature could conjure. He keeps the hushed devotion in his mother’s kiss, painting him loved, like the ochre of a dawn, a new beginning in the same, old world. Almost golden. </p><p>
  <em> Life is the biggest experiment you will ever go through. </em>
</p><p>He has his lunch breaks with Colleen nearly everyday for that summer, and calls Maria and Takashi when he has the time to. He doesn’t feel as lonely anymore. He doesn’t see distance as anything more than an inconvenience now.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Dad,” Matt hollers, waving at Sam Holt from across the room. </p><p>Samuel Holt had no real reason to know who Takashi was, since Takashi wants to be a fighter pilot, and Sam is a senior scientist, but somehow, he makes it work.</p><p>“It’s nice to finally meet you sir,” Takashi says, in his most polite and diplomatic voice. He’s nervous.</p><p>Adam grabs his hand. </p><p>“I’ve heard all about you,” Sam laughs, a deep chortle that rises from his stomach and makes his shoulders shake. Adam wonders if that’s how all Dads laugh. “You’re the one who keeps Adam on his toes, huh?”</p><p>“That’s me,” Takashi laughs too, all nervousness melting away.</p><p>“You’re gonna be a real star one day, that’s for sure,” Sam muses, patting Takashi’s shoulder. He has this look on his face, like the beginnings of an epiphany. “The world of science could use someone like you.”</p><p>Adam feels irrationally unsettled. He’s comfortable with loving stars at a distance, adores how safe and theoretical it all is, but all he wants to do is hold Takashi closer. He knows it’s irrational - Takashi must have his own dreams, too.</p><p>“Not when Adam’s around to keep me humble,” Takashi says, and everyone laughs as Adam playfully elbows his ribs, but he lets those words spin around his mind for the rest of the day.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>They’re in their second year, and it’s almost Christmas. Takashi’s putting up tinsel in their room, because he specifically requested to be in the same one as Adam this year. </p><p>It’s nice.</p><p>“Hey,” Takashi says out of the blue, playing with a stray piece of tinsel. “Do you have any plans for Christmas?”</p><p>“Uh, not really? I was gonna just stay here for another week and then go home… So not really?”</p><p>Takashi mutters something incomprehensible, and now he’s twirling the front strands of his hair instead. He always insists he needs a haircut, but never ends up getting one because it’ll be ‘too much of a hassle.’</p><p>Adam blinks. “I have no idea what you just said.”</p><p>“My Mom wants to know if she has to make extra food for Christmas,” Takashi begins, and he’s already avoiding eye contact. “She wants to know if you want to spend Christmas in New York with us.”</p><p>Adam laughs so much that Takashi flicks his forehead and irritably asks, “So?”</p><p>“Of course I will,” Adam replies. “As long as you come to Florida for New Year’s?” He’s momentarily baffled at how the words slip past his mouth before he realises how deeply intimate all of this is.</p><p>“It’s a deal,” Takashi replies, grabbing his phone to call his mother. It dials for a second before it immediately connects to her.</p><p>It’s as easy as that.</p><p>“Hello?”</p><p>“Hi, Mom,” Takashi says, smiling, and grabbing Adam’s hand. “When, uh,” he nervously looks at Adam, “when do you want us to come down for Christmas?”</p><p>“<em>As soon as possible</em>,” Aiko says. “<em>Make sure you tell me what Adam likes to eat, I’m about to make the biggest trip to Target you’ve ever seen- I’m making sure Adam’s gonna be full for the next century</em>.”</p><p>“Yes, Mom,” Takashi sighs, while Adam cackles so much that he chokes on his own saliva.</p><p>“<em>Oh </em> ,” Aiko says, “<em>Am I on speaker? If so, hi, Adam!</em>”</p><p>“Hi, Aiko,” Adam says, a little embarrassed, but a little dazed from the thought of Takashi’s mother already knowing who he is. His 15 year old self would truly be disappointed.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Adam takes delight in getting to see Aiko in the flesh for the first time, and loves how much of Takashi’s mannerisms come from her. Adam loved that he even has the same dimples as her, something he discovered through their fleeting video calls. She picks them up from the airport and hugs Adam so tight that he thinks he’ll pass out.</p><p>Adam also meets Takashi’s Father, whose family moved from Japan a few months before he was born. Takashi’s paternal grandmother apparently liked an old actor named Paul so much that she named her son after him. Paul, in turn, named Takashi after his own father and refuses to watch <em> Ant-Man </em> to this day.</p><p>Aiko insists on watching it at least once a year.</p><p>Takashi’s parents actually knew each other from high school, but didn’t actually get together until they met again during university, where they were both brave enough to finally admit they had crushes on each other. (Or until Aiko was tired of Paul making her wait.)</p><p>It also becomes apparent that Takashi comes from a very, very big family, because the moment Takashi announces that he’s home, about ten sets of eyes swivel towards the door. </p><p>About ten voices shout, “‘Kashi!” </p><p>Takashi drops his bags before about ten sets of arms grab him into a giant pile of an embrace. Adam stands there awkwardly, holding the remainder of the bags.</p><p>“‘Kashi,” someone teases, “you can’t just leave your boyfriend like that!”</p><p>“Yeah,” another voice agrees, “you just left him with all the bags-“</p><p>“Hey,” Takashi interjects, peeling himself away from his family. “I didn’t leave him with<em> all </em> the bags!” </p><p>“Aren’t you gonna introduce us?”</p><p>“Everyone,” Takashi sighs, rolls his eyes as he gestures, “this is Adam, and Adam,” Takashi sighs, and gestures with a weary smile, “this is... everyone.”</p><p>“Uh, hi” Adam says. He vaguely recognises a few of their faces, and even then, he has no idea which names belong to them.</p><p>“I’m really sorry, Adam,” Aiko says gleefully, walking out the kitchen already wearing an apron and wielding a wooden spoon. “When I mentioned you’d be coming here, everyone wanted to see if Takashi really had a boyfriend and didn’t just make him up.”</p><p>“Mom,” Takashi groans, burying his face into his hands.</p><p>Aiko scolds playfully, “Don’t be so ungrateful, ‘Kashi, your family travelled a few days earlier just to see you!”</p><p>“They literally live half an hour away, you can hardly call that travelling,” Takashi responds, picking up the bags and beckoning for Adam to follow him by nodding his head up the stairs. </p><p>“In New York traffic? At Christmastime? It was at least an hour’s journey!” Aiko responds, and the entire family giggles. </p><p>One of Takashi’s younger cousins(?) adds, “Yeah, the journey was almost two hours since Kai drove us!”</p><p>Someone indignantly yells back from the kitchen, "Hey!" Adam can only assume it was Kai himself.</p><p>Paul bellows, “Besides, if you’ve forgotten then that means you’ve been away for too long!”</p><p>Takashi’s laugh echoes down the stairs while he opens the door to his room with an elbow. He agrees, “I have been away for too long, haven’t I?”</p><p>To Adam’s surprise, Takashi’s room is big and it’s absolutely full of glow in the dark stars. There’s a couple of anime posters which Adam will definitely tease him about later too. But for now, he flops onto the bed, which is infinitely softer than the airplane seats. He sighs as he sinks into the mattress, wondering how Takashi could leave such a warm home for Arizona.</p><p>Takashi finally asks, “Are you okay?” He turns on a small lamp on his bedside table and elaborates when Adam gives him a strange look. “You haven’t said much.”</p><p>“You have a big family,” Adam says truthfully, the air knocked out of his lungs. He looks forward to learning about Takashi from his family, and seeing him through their eyes. </p><p>It’s nice, Adam even says so.</p><p>“I know, I’m sorry- I didn’t know they’d all be here this early.”</p><p>“It’s okay, I’m fine,” Adam insists. “Just give me a minute.”</p><p>“Okay,” Takashi says, softly smiling. “Oh, I forgot my phone downstairs, I’ll be back, uh, you can nap if you want- I love you.” Takashi quickly darts out, but gently closes the door, because he’s always been considerate like that.</p><p>“I love you too,” Adam quietly replies, listening to Takashi laughing, his honey sweet voice muffled through the walls. </p><p>He immediately falls asleep, and all he can dream about is Takashi badly trying to remember all the constellations, and what they all mean. Maybe if Adam thinks hard enough, it’ll mean something.</p><p>He wakes up from his nap to a small finger poking him in the face, the sound of panting and a quiet but rhythmic thumping on the carpet. </p><p>“Oh,” a small voice replies. “You’re awake.”</p><p>“I am,” Adam replies, blinking confusedly. He’s surprised to find his glasses on the table, neatly folded up. Takashi’s phone is also there, and it lights up with 5 missed calls from Keith.</p><p>Takashi always forgets where he puts his phone, and has made it a habit to leave it within Adam’s general vicinity since one of them will find it at some point. It’s sweet.</p><p>“I’m Louise,” the same, small voice replies. “This is Sakura.”</p><p>Adam turns the lamp back on and realises that Sakura is a big, fluffy husky, and she jumps onto Takashi’s bed and goes around in a circle before lying dutifully by Adam’s feet. </p><p>“Hi, Louise,” Adam says, and his voice is scratchy from sleep. “I’m Adam.”</p><p>“I know,” Louise gleefully replies, climbing onto the bed. Adam shuffles to make room for her, making sure he doesn’t disturb Sakura. “How old are you?”</p><p>“I’m 20,” Adam replies, “I’ll be 21 in June.”</p><p>“Wow,” she says, in awe. She continues with a sly smile, “‘Kashi talks about you all the time, you know?”</p><p>“I didn’t,” Adam says, interest piqued. “What does he say about me?”</p><p>Louise pretends to think for a bit, then says, “That you’re the smartest person ever, and that he loves you a lot.”</p><p>“That’s good, because I am the smartest person ever,” Adam replies. While Louise grabs something from the floor, he quietly admits, “And I suppose I love him a little bit too.”</p><p>“You have glasses, so you must be very smart,” Louise replies thoughtfully. She gives him several sheets of A4 paper stuck together, and proudly announces, “I made this for you - ‘Kashi said you haven’t learned all our names yet. I even used the good pens.”</p><p>“Oh, thank you,” Adam replies, still groggy from sleep. He feels a lot more emotional than usual. </p><p>They eventually emerge from Takashi’s room when Louise announces she could smell Aiko’s famous Miso soup and dashes down the stairs while Sakura and Adam trail after her. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>With a family as large as Takashi’s, Adam knew he was bound to have some semblance of a shovel talk.</p><p>However, he didn’t expect a group shovel talk, which was less like a shovel talk and more like <em> ‘welcome to the family, we hope you stay for a long time’ </em> talk after multiple rounds of <em> Sake </em> and other various beverages from around the world.</p><p>“Are you okay, Adam?,” Nanako, Aiko’s younger sister, looks at Adam with a concerned face the moment Takashi leaves the room to bring Louise to bed. </p><p>“You have this look on your face… it’s like you’re about to vomit,” Rochelle, Nanako’s wife, replies. She has this strong Brooklyn accent, and it’s only grown stronger with her consumption of Prosecco. “How much did you even drink?”</p><p>“If you’re worried, Adam, don’t be,” Aiko eventually says, as reassuring as one can possibly be while drunk. “The moment he told us about you, <em> well, </em> we already loved you too.”</p><p>“Oh,” Adam responds, a little teary-eyed, and before he knows it, his glass is plucked out of his hands and multiple pairs of arms wrap around his frame to console him. “Thank you.”</p><p>“Of course, Adam,” Paul says, eventually. “You’re a part of our family now.”</p><p>Adam’s glad Takashi had such a wonderful childhood, with a family with barely any broken parts. An ordinary family.</p><p>It’s nice.</p><p>Maybe Adam can be a permanent fixture in the little family chart Louise made for him. He can imagine it, his name in that gold, metallic ink that isn’t actually gold, and his face will be made of a carefully cut out photo - <em> maybe from the photo of him and Takashi at Maria’s wedding </em> - and his fun fact will be: <em> Loves the stars and Takashi the most out of anyone in the entire world. </em></p><p>Adam discovers an important fact on Christmas. Every time Takashi ducks out to talk to his family, leaving Adam behind in the library, or his room, or even the cafeteria, he immediately starts talking about him. </p><p>This happens so often that it turns out that the entire Nakamura-Shirogane family got Adam some Christmas presents too, because Takahsi keeps mentioning about how cold Adam’s toes are; fondly complains about how Adam hates sharpening his pencils so Takashi ends up sharpening them when he forgets his own and has to borrow Adam’s; points out instances where Adam’s phone always dies at the most inconvenient times. </p><p>Louise says, “Here, we made a list of all the things ‘Kashi’s said about you and turned it into a Christmas shopping list.”</p><p>“Oh, thank you,” Adam says quietly, and they all beam back at him.</p><p>Most of all, Takashi groans about how Adam keeps stealing his sweaters. </p><p>So Adam receives two sweaters that are too big for him but just the right size for Takashi from Akari, Takashi’s paternal grandmother. </p><p>The sweaters are warm and soft. One is a rich, burnt ochre that Adam thought he’d never find outside of his mother’s little house on the coast. There’s a bunch of stars on the other one, the same rich ochre against a deep navy, and Takashi and Paul clearly get their patience from her, because she’s even embroidered two messages on the inside of the sweaters where a regular clothes label should be. </p><p>
  <em> Merry Christmas, Adam.  </em>
</p><p>and</p><p>
  <em> By making Takashi happy, you’ve done the same for us. </em>
</p><p>When Adam wears one the next day she knowingly smiles. Her eyes crinkle just like Takashi’s does, and Adam decides in that moment that he needs to tell people he loves them more often.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Adam will always be grateful for the hospitality Takashi’s family has provided him, but there’s something particular, a comfortable ache that unearths itself, spilling from the gaps in Adam’s rib cage when he goes home to the sound of his mother’s quiet singing.</p><p>There’s a feeling that makes its presence known when Adam gets to hear the shore again, and it encapsulates him when he opens any window, when he’s greeted by the salty air and the cry of the seagulls, and the soft ochre walls of his mother’s house. When blue-eyed Cam closes the door of his pick-up truck, when Maria bounces through the door not even a minute later, and when his mother’s arms are already open.</p><p>He feels like he’s floating.</p><p>“I love you,” Adam whispers his confession, when the clock strikes twelve. It’s dark until it’s not, and the fireworks reveal Takashi’s gaze, thoughtful and so full of the warmth his family have passed down to him. “You know that, right?”</p><p>“I know,” Takashi says, giddy. He bites his lip in order to contain his excitement when says, “I love you too.”</p><p>“I don’t say it often,” Adam regretfully says, leaning in towards Takashi’s lips. He knows he belongs there, as the compass needle belongs north. There’s something shining in Takashi’s eyes when he asks, “So don’t forget, okay?”</p><p>“I would never dream of it,” Takashi promises, meeting Adam halfway. </p><p>All the magic ever conjured, all the light of a thousand stars, all found in a single person -<em> this </em> is why Adam finds the rest of the world so ordinary.</p><p>He understands it all, welcomes the quiet strength that keeps the resilient light shining through his broken window pane of a mother, keeps her fierce even if there’s no one left for her to fight, because she has something to fight<em> for </em>.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>This time, Takashi offers to take Maria to Target, and Adam’s beginning to realise that he really needs to be going on these impromptu trips otherwise he’ll miss out on something important. Besides, he doesn’t like being away from Takashi for very long either, as the sea wishes to be as close as possible to the moon whenever she is there.</p><p>“You ready, Shiro?”</p><p>Takashi hollers, “Uh,” then pats his pockets in panic.</p><p>Adam rolls his eyes, because Takashi definitely left his phone in the kitchen. “Your phone’s here,  ‘Kashi.”</p><p>“Oh, right,” Takashi says in surprise, gravitating to Adam’s cheek like there’s magnets in it. “Thanks,” he says, voice muffled by his kiss.</p><p>Nora rises from her slumber on the sofa, smiling at Adam after wordlessly handing a shopping list to Takashi and patting his shoulder. Adam loves that Takashi fits in perfectly with his family, despite how bouncy his sister is, or how discerning his mother is.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Adam spends the summer working with the Holt family, and Takashi even stops by for a few weeks to help with whatever he can, because he’s always been kind like that.</p><p>This is the summer Adam meets Katie, who’s just turned 11 years old and has a better grasp on computer coding than Adam ever did at the age of 19 years old. She even tells him so.</p><p>“Katie, Adam could be one of your teachers one day,” Colleen says, a teasing warning. </p><p>Katie raises a brow. She deadpans, “For coding?”</p><p>“No,” Colleen chides, lightly swatting her shoulder. “Adam’s one of our best astrophysicists yet.”</p><p>Adam laughs when Katie’s eyes widen, and she starts asking him questions about stars that even his students couldn’t even come up with. But Adam loves stars, and he’s more than happy to talk about them all day long - and with a child of Colleen, no less.</p><p>Katie shyly admits, “Matt and my dad wanna go into space one day, so I just wanna learn as much as I can so I can catch up to them.” She then wanders off when distracted by Matt's constant loud rambles.</p><p>Colleen says, “Sometimes, I wonder if the world is too small for them, you know? They’re surpassing people twice their age, who’ve been in the field for decades- I’m just worried that they’ll burn themselves out too quickly and believe there’ll be nothing left for them when they get to my age.”</p><p>Watching the Holts work together, balancing their personal and work lives, quietly bickering and loudly cheering, makes Adam think he can have nice things too. He thinks he can have a life where he can stay like this forever with Takashi, working on stars and flight patterns in the week and painting walls green and buying plants on the weekend. He can maybe plant some vegetables, if he’s feeling particularly loving.</p><p>“You know, we’ve been green-lit for this project for some time now- I think you’ll be interested in it, Shiro,” Sam says, as summer comes to a close. “There’ll be lots of piloting involved, obviously.”</p><p>The size of a star is inversely proportional to its lifespan, this Adam knows. The bigger the star, the quicker it takes for it to burn out, and the bigger the explosion is at the end of it all. It’s messy, and doomed from the start. </p><p>It’s messy, but necessary - things aren’t supposed to stagnate forever.</p><p>Adam goes out to lunch with Colleen and Katie, and even tells her this, the theory of stars, as if they’re a million light years away from it all.</p><p>As if it wasn’t already happening right in front of him.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Adam and Takashi are instructors now. They’re a lot busier now, but they set aside time to eat together and to catch up on their respective lives. It’s sickeningly domestic and Adam can no longer deny he is a romantic, at 22 years old. His 15 year old self would be thoroughly disappointed.</p><p>“<em>Shirogane</em>,” Iverson’s voice suddenly interrupts from Takashi’s tracker pad, gruff and irritated. “ <em> Your presence is required at the police station </em>.”</p><p>Adam cackles, almost choking on some beans, “Did you commit any crimes before dinner?”</p><p>“Not that I know of,” Takashi absent-mindedly replies, getting up to get his trackerpad. “Do you think Iverson’s finally caught onto you stealing his coffee?”</p><p>“I think he knows, but is too much of a coward to face me about it- Besides, we all do it-.”</p><p>A message comes through not a moment later. </p><p>
  <em> Your vehicle has been stolen, and has been recovered by the County Sheriff. </em>
</p><p>Takashi eloquently asks, “What the fuck?” He even pinches the bridge of his nose.</p><p>Ah, Adam realises. There are only three people who Takashi pinches the bridge of his nose for, and two of them include Adam, who hasn’t done anything to justify that today (yet), and Kai who’s all the way in New York (but still manages to be the bane of Takashi’s existence from afar.)</p><p>Today is a not-so-ordinary day, because Takashi and Adam come back to the dorm with an (unfortunately) very familiar face, the third person who makes Takashi’s life expectancy decrease on a daily basis. </p><p>“Keith,” Adam sighs, massaging his temples, “when I say <em> ‘take a walk to cool down </em>’, I clearly didn’t mean for you to come back with a criminal record.</p><p>Keith growls a little, crossing his arms defensively and flopping onto the bed. He curls into a ball and eventually rolls over to face the wall. Adam thinks that could be a sign of trust, but then again that could be one of the many behaviours that actually belong in wild animals rather than teenagers.</p><p>Takashi finally offers, “Do you want to eat with us?” </p><p>Keith doesn’t respond, but Adam thinks he can hear a shuddering breath, followed by poorly concealed sniffles. The calm before the storm. </p><p>“We have extra Mac-and-Cheese from your Mom,” Adam adds nonchalantly. “Surely you can’t eat that all by yourself, Takashi?”</p><p>“Definitely not,” Takashi agrees, bringing the leftover Mac-and-Cheese from the kitchenette and emptying it onto an extra plate. “It’ll get cold, so I’m just gonna put it in the microwave for a bit in case anyone wants any later.”</p><p>“Hey,” Adam says, struck with an idea. “I was just about to make some Honey and Lemon- You know my Mom used to make it for me and my sister when we were younger,” he wistfully adds, “before I discovered coffee.” </p><p>Takashi chuckles.</p><p>“Keith,” Adam gently asks, while Takashi turns the kettle on. “Do you want some?”</p><p>Keith curls into himself even further. </p><p>Adam wonders if this is what his mother used to see when he was younger. A self-flagellant boy with hands too little to carry all the pain he’s been unwillingly given and more. He has an overwhelming urge to ruffle Keith’s hair.</p><p>“We’re not mad,” Adam gently says, sitting on the edge of the bed. He’s shocked at how much he sounds like his mother. He adds, in a feeble attempt to ignore this revelation, “Keith, we’re worried.”</p><p>It doesn’t work.</p><p>“Why? You’re not my parents,” Keith hoarsely replies, defensive. </p><p>“You’re right,” Adam replies, “We’re way too young for that.”</p><p>Keith snorts. </p><p>Takashi says, fondly shaking his head at Adam, “We’re not your parents, but we do care about you.”</p><p>Keith asks, “Why?”</p><p>“People don’t need a reason to care about each other, Keith,” Takashi explains, slowly rubbing circles on Keith’s back. He looks at Adam for just a moment. “We just do.”</p><p>Adam decides it’s his turn to roll his eyes, before going back to make the tea, scooping a large teaspoon of honey in each mug before adding even more to Keith’s. He deserves something sweet.</p><p>Maria used to claim that she was like honey, and Adam was as sour as a lemon, and Nora always exasperatedly said, <em> Maria, you always need both </em>before stroking their heads in that loving way found in mothers like her. </p><p>But also like any other mother, she made them clean up afterwards too, as she was ‘too tired’ from their arguing to possibly do anything else.</p><p>Adam inhales the scent deeply, and wishes he wasn’t so hard on himself when he was younger, because it meant he was hard on his mother and sister too. Maybe he was a bit sour, difficult to love, but at least he wasn’t alone.</p><p>Keith says, plainly, “It’s my Dad’s birthday today.” </p><p>“Oh Keith,” Takashi says, devastated, “I’m sorry.” </p><p>“Why are you sorry? I’m the one who stole your car and almost crashed it in a cemetery." </p><p>Takashi chuckles as Adam wordlessly puts a mug of tea and the heated plate of Mac-and-Cheese on the bedside table. He says, “I already told you it’s okay.”</p><p>Keith turns back around, his eyes are red and his nose is a little wet. He latches onto Takashi and lets himself cry, the only indications of him doing so being the occasional hiccup and small tremor in his shoulders.</p><p>Maybe Keith’s not so wild after all.</p><p>The room is quiet, but Adam swears he can hear the shore, the waves crashing into the harbour because there’s something warm spilling from the gaps in his ribs again, even if he’s thousands of miles away from his mother. </p><p>Takashi has this look. Adam looks at him questioningly until Takashi mouths, <em> “Text my Mom.” </em></p><p>Adam nods furiously, grabbing his phone and typing with as much fervour. </p><p>Takashi tentatively asks, “Keith, have you ever been to Florida or New York?”</p><p>“No, why?”</p><p>It’s safe to say that Keith’s next Christmas will not be spent alone. Maybe he’ll even get a sweater out of it.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Adam is 22 years old, and decides that the 6th of January is not an ordinary day.</p><p>Perhaps the 6th of January would be ordinary for anyone else, especially if you did not know Takashi Shirogane in any shape or form. In this moment, Adam pities the people who don’t know Takashi, or will never get to because any day with Takashi is unordinary, and the fact he tried to convince himself otherwise is definitely the stupidest thing he has ever done. </p><p>So, the 6th of January is arguably the most important day in Adam’s life, next to the day he graduated from the Garrison, a crucial step into becoming the best astrophysicist there is.</p><p>A quiet voice asks, “Adam?”</p><p>It’s important, it’s everything Adam’s been waiting for ever since Takashi made those <em> goddamned </em> octopus-shaped hotdogs. It’s the day Takashi asks him a very important question.</p><p>They’re in Adam’s childhood home, gazing at the stars. Adam’s babbling about the constellations once more, of how Perseus and Andromeda are always next to each other, and how you can see Orion’s belt because it’s strongest during this month. He’s caught up in the stars so much that he almost misses the little twinkle in Takashi’s eyes, his smile, and his hand.</p><p>“Adam,” Takashi says again.</p><p>He finally turns to face him. “Takashi,” Adam says carefully, trying to keep the seams in his chest from bursting. </p><p>“Can I ask you something?”</p><p>“Depends on what it is,” Adam shakily replies. “If you want to know where your phone is, it’s back in the living room. Keith’s probably sending rude messages to Iverson on it. You should probably hand in your resignation form when we get back.”</p><p>Takashi laughs, because he has the patience of his grandmother, and he knows how easy it actually is to love Adam. Love doesn’t need forgiveness to keep going; it’s always been there. It was born during the creation of Man, the moment the first heartbeat was heard. </p><p>It was born the moment Adam realised he didn’t need to earn it from anyone, least of all Takashi. Never Takashi, because he’s always been there to offer it, no strings attached. It’s a hopeless devotion, a golden light that Adam gets to have all to himself.</p><p>“Well,” Adam bravely continues. “What are you waiting for?”</p><p>“Forever, Adam,” Takashi breathlessly replies, and he says Adam’s name like a prayer, caught in the reverence of whatever light he sees in him. “I’m waiting for forever with you.”</p><p>“That’s funny,” Adam says, breathless. “I was just thinking the same thing.”</p><p>“Well, here we are,” Takashi says and he slips the ring onto Adam’s finger. </p><p>Adam agrees, pressing his lips onto Takashi, mumbling, “Here we are.”</p><p>Takashi doesn’t spin Adam around the garden, and Adam doesn’t giggle either. But they both feel dizzy and giddy, under the stars, and Adam has never felt happier, between the two things he loves most in this universe. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Keith is grumpy, impulsive and is probably one of the most stubborn people Adam knows, which says a lot since he considers himself the most stubborn person he knows.</p><p>But Keith is also one of the most caring people Adam knows, which also says a lot because everyone else in Adam’s life is caring too. </p><p>“Uh, thanks,” he says, and he’s all bundled up in a burgundy sweater that Adam knows only Akari Shirogane can make with a couple of week’s notice. There’s even a little ‘K’ embroidered near the bottom in black.</p><p>Adam blinks in surprise, almost choking on his coffee. “For what?”</p><p>“You know,” Keith grumbles, folding his arms and hunching in on himself. “All of this.”</p><p>“You’re gonna have to elaborate,” Adam pretends to huff. He’s enjoying this. He wonders if this is what having a younger brother is like. He’ll have to ask Maria when she has a moment to spare, but she’s already tipsy and dancing like a pilates instructor with Takashi in the living room, to a mix of ABBA and assorted Christmas songs.</p><p>“You’re so annoying,” Keith deadpans.</p><p>“Hey, you’re the one who’s making it harder for yourself,” Adam teases, as if Keith isn’t anything like him.</p><p>Keith inhales sharply and snaps, “Okay, fine, whatever!” But he quickly exhales, uncurls from his defensive stance, and shuffles awkwardly. “Ugh, I’m not good at this.”</p><p>Adam smiles patiently and elbows him. “You know, the first time Takashi talked about you was the day he came back from visiting your old school, spreading Garrison propaganda and all that good stuff.”</p><p>“What?” Keith quickly whips his head towards Adam. He replies, his voice strained,  “Adam- That was at least a year ago.”</p><p>“Exactly,” Adam says. “He cares about you more than you’ll ever know, and that goes for me too. We only want you to be happy, even if that means putting up with this.” He gestures back to the living room, where Takashi is now singing along to<em> ‘All I want for Christmas is you</em>’ with Maria, Cam and Nora. “Just because you’re angry a lot doesn’t mean you’re difficult to love, Keith.”</p><p>It’s just like standing in a mirror, like animals who aren’t so wild, boys who aren’t so sour. Maybe that's why Takashi was so insistent on bringing Keith under his wing. </p><p>Keith stands there, playing with his sleeves. He quietly admits, “I always thought whatever this is… was just temporary, you know?”</p><p>Adam hums in thought. “I’m not sure how well that’ll go if you tell Takashi that.”</p><p>“I guess,” Keith replies, kicking a stone. “I think he might cry.”</p><p>Adam chuckles, “Oh, he’ll definitely cry.” He adds, “he’s even started planning for your 18th birthday.”</p><p>“I just turned 17,” Keith says with a frown.</p><p>Adam shrugs. “Takashi likes to make sure he doesn’t forget important things, he plans for things like that in advance.” </p><p>(Like how Takashi admitted that he’s had that damned engagement ring <em> for over a year </em>. Damn those secret Target trips.)</p><p>They laugh for a good few seconds before Keith rests his head on Adam’s shoulder and quietly says, “Thank you for caring about me when I thought there was no one left to.”</p><p>“Thank you for caring about us too,” Adam replies back, easily, before bugging Keith about his homework.</p><p>Keith snaps, “You know damn well I didn’t bring any of my textbooks with me! You even said to leave them and pack a bunch of fancy coffee in my backpack instead!”</p><p>“No I didn’t.”</p><p>“You’re literally drinking some right now.”</p><p>“No I’m not.”</p><p>Keith also fits in well, in Adam’s constellation of a family, the spaces in Adam’s tightly packed schedule, and on Adam and Takashi’s sofa when he needs help with assignments, or when he needs to complain about other people.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Aiko tearily waves them off from the airport with about five tubs of leftovers hastily stuffed in their bags, and five more offers of “Are you sure you don’t want to stay for a bit longer?” </p><p>Keith even lets her ruffle his hair. He yelps, “Ack!”</p><p>“Mom,” Takashi sadly says, and he’s already tearing up.  “We’ll be back soon, okay?”</p><p>Aiko is noticeably smaller than her son, but she cradles him in her arms as if Takashi was still small, and that no time has passed at all. “Promise?”</p><p>Takashi laughs into the top of her head, kisses it and tentatively asks, “When have I ever broken a promise?”</p><p>Adam frowns. He looks at Keith, who’s already guiltily looking away from him. There are days where Adam wishes that Keith was better at lying - this is one of them. </p><p>
  <em> He knows something. </em>
</p><p>A storm brews ahead, and their flight is postponed for a few hours.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Everyone else thinks the individual stars in constellations are right next to each other from where they’re standing, but they’re actually millions and millions of light years apart. Takashi and Adam are like those stars, and the distance is even more palpable these days.</p><p>Adam’s morning is rudely interrupted when Takashi yells, “Ah, fuck!”</p><p>A year ago, Takashi was able to go on his runs at 6am every day. He’s only 3 months older than Adam and he already needs help getting up in the mornings at 23 years old. Some days, predictably, are worse than others. </p><p>“Takashi,” Adam calls out. “I told you to wait until the medicine kicks in!”</p><p>Takashi apologetically smiles in pain, and shrugs self-deprecatingly. He winces when saying, “I just feel pretty useless, you know.”</p><p>“You’re the best pilot there is,” Adam scolds, but he’s too worried for there to be any heat behind his words. “If you’re useless, then what does that make the rest of us?”</p><p>Takashi sits there in silence as Adam massages his muscles, praying that forever isn’t just a figure of speech, praying that Takashi won’t forget that love has no strings attached. He might just uproot himself from his trip to the stars, just to make sure Takashi doesn’t forget any of that. </p><p>Adam is not religious by any means, and hates the idea of devoting his life to someone who he doesn’t know he can rely on for sure when it counts. He doesn’t like the idea of wearing his Sunday Best, or singing hymns. He doesn’t have a bone in his body that belongs to a higher being, because what else is bigger than science, the experiments and constant reactions of life?</p><p>But Adam sometimes wishes there was someone to pin this misfortune on, someone to inevitably blame when a miracle doesn’t occur. Science doesn’t offer the benefit of the doubt that can be filled by faith. There is no way to move a hurricane or to prevent a star from burning out.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Adam’s on his way back from teaching his Aerospace theory class, about to meet Takashi and Keith for lunch. He stops by to collect Keith first from his Mathematics class, then heads to the simulators, where Takashi teaches every Wednesday and Friday. His schedule demands the utmost precision.</p><p>It’s an ordinary day, in the grand scheme of things. Perhaps it would’ve been a good day if Adam left his lesson late.</p><p>Keith off-handedly asks, “Do you think they’ll have Spaghetti today?”</p><p>Adam replies, “Maybe, though I swear they changed the recipe or something… It tastes a lot better now that they have new student volunteers. The Basil’s even fresh.”</p><p>Keith hums in thought. “I think I know the guy who made the Spaghetti last week... I have some classes with him.”</p><p>“Oh, nice,” Adam responds, making a mental note to find out when the Spaghetti guy is on the rota until his trail of thought is interrupted by Takashi’s voice echoing down the hallway.</p><p>“With all due respect, Sir, I’m just a pilot,” Takashi says, flustered.</p><p>Adam and Keith freeze outside the door, peeking into the flight simulation room. They look at each other once, in confusion.</p><p>Iverson shakes his head, laughs once or twice. “Shirogane, I don’t think you realise how great an opportunity this is- You’re the best we have.”</p><p>
  <em> (“The world of science could use someone like you.”) </em>
</p><p>“And I said I was just thinking about it-”</p><p>“You’ve been thinking for over half a year,” Sanda interjects, and Adam knows it’s serious when multiple members of senior staff have come to corner Takashi like this. “This mission is riding on billions of dollars, and Holt has asked for you specifically. So either you want it or you don’t, we’re on a tight schedule.”</p><p>
  <em> (“You know, we’ve been green-lit for this project for some time now- I think you’ll be interested in it, Shiro.”) </em>
</p><p>Adam looks at Keith, who guiltily shrugs. He whispers, “He told me not to say anything.”</p><p>
  <em> (“Takashi likes to make sure he doesn’t forget important things, he plans for things like that in advance.”) </em>
</p><p>Sam pleadingly adds, “There are other people dying to be in your place right now, it’s a once in a lifetime chance!”</p><p>Adam wants to laugh in Sam’s face, tell him that he can take anyone else out there in the world, over 8 billion people on this planet, and he had to choose the one good thing in his life.</p><p>Takashi begins, “But I’m supposed to get married next year, and-”</p><p>He had the ring over a year before, <em> is that why he took so long to propose? </em></p><p>“I’m sure Adam will be willing to discuss this with you,” Sam patiently says. He asks, “You both knew what you signed up for when you joined the Garrison, right?”</p><p>“But my body isn’t as strong as it was before- I don’t even know if I can withstand the training!”</p><p>Iverson pats him on the back and says something about medical bills being covered by the government, and it’s all too much for Adam.</p><p>“Adam,” Keith whispers, tugging his sleeve.</p><p>Adam wanted distance, and now he wants nothing to do with it, stars and people be damned. The one good thing in his life wants to go into a rocket and go millions of miles away from him, even though he’s sick, and he’s dying, and he promised forever - but words are just words, and energy is neither destroyed or created.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Adam says, dismissive. He apologetically adds, “I’ll see you later, okay?”</p><p>Keith wordlessly nods as Adam dashes off, heart pounding so fast he’s afraid his ribs will give away at any given moment. He finds himself in a room that smells of lavender and coffee.</p><p>“Hey, Adam,” Colleen’s voice gently greets. </p><p>Adam quietly asks, “Can I just sit here for a while?”</p><p>Colleen nods with a small smile, and lets him sit as she files some paperwork. He has a few missed calls from Takashi and one from Keith.</p><p>When Adam finally unclenches his jaw, relaxes his shoulders and regulates his breathing, she eventually says, “You know, Katie did the exact same thing the day she found out about Kerberos.”</p><p>Adam exhales, “And?”</p><p>“She’s still mad.” Colleen sighs, “I suppose I am too.”</p><p>Besides, it’s supposed to be an ordinary day.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Tell me you’re not going to space,” Adam says the moment Takashi enters their flat. “Tell me that this time, next year, you’re going to be on Earth and we’re going to get married.”</p><p>“Adam,” Takashi sighs.</p><p>Adam continues, and his hands are shaking as he asks, “Tell me that the reason you’ve been putting off paying the deposit for the venue is because we’re still deciding on a wedding date, and not because you know you won’t be there at all?”</p><p>“<em>Adam</em>,” Takashi helplessly repeats.</p><p>“You proposed to me, Takashi,” Adam incredulously continues. “You said forever, and I know we both love science and our work and had plans and a life before we even knew each other, but I thought that if I can make compromises, then- then so can you!”</p><p>“This is a once in a lifetime opportunity,” Takashi gently says, reaching out. </p><p>“<em>Once in a lifetime opportunity</em>,” Adam laughs back, shaking his head in disbelief. He frowns, and it sinks in all at once. He looks into Takashi’s tired eyes, and just like his mother’s weary voice asked once before, Adam asks, “People don’t suddenly leave like that if there wasn’t something wrong, right?”</p><p>“No, <em>Adam</em>-”</p><p>“I’m right, <em> aren’t I </em>?”</p><p>“I’m dying, I think,” Takashi admits, and it’s like he still can’t believe he’s just as mortal as any other person. “I found out a week ago. I didn’t know how to tell you.”</p><p>Adam gets the wind knocked right out of him. Dying stars, indeed, and Adam gets to see one up close. </p><p>Takashi doesn’t look at him when he asks, “Do you still wanna marry me?”</p><p>“Why would you ask me something like that? You already know the answer,” Adam scoffs.</p><p>“I don’t know, I just guess my definition of forever isn’t the same as I initially promised anymore,” Takashi quietly admits, and they’re both wounded. </p><p>Hurricanes aren’t villains, and neither are they.</p><p>“Well, I think you’re wrong,” Adam insists, with the fire his mother gifted him all those years ago, because there are things you fight for, and this is most definitely one of those things.</p><p>Adam doesn’t say<em> I love you </em>, but he keeps his engagement ring on and makes sure Takashi sleeps early that night, holding him just as close as any other night. He wonders how many more nights he’s able to do this.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>A wave of relief washes over Adam when his phone picks up on the second ring. “<em> Hey, Adam </em>?”</p><p>“Ria,” Adam cries softly into the phone. “How do you make it look so easy?”</p><p>“<em>It’s not easy all the time</em>,” Maria admits. “<em>You know that more than anyone else- Hell, you taught me that.</em>”</p><p>Adam fruitlessly asks, “I love him, isn’t that supposed to be enough?”</p><p>Maria sighs, her voice a tentative murmur, “<em>That’s all you can do, there’s only so much you can do to make someone stay.</em>”</p><p>Maria is back in Florida, living 20 minutes away from their mother and Cam’s uncle. She’s still two years older than Adam. Cam is still three and a half years older than Adam, and still writes songs for his sister and grows vegetables in their garden. She even says they’ve been talking about having children, a girl and a boy.</p><p>Adam grimaces, because he’s sitting in the staff toilet crying because his fiance is dying, Takashi wants to go to space on a mission that’ll take years before he can even come back, let alone see if he can survive another year in the condition he’s in.</p><p>Yes, the hardest battles are the ones in your mind.</p><p>Maria tells Adam she’s still making Casseroles, she’s still reading about Perseus and Andromeda, and watching movies, but with Cam instead of Adam. </p><p>Adam secretly wishes his life was as nice as that.</p><p>But Samuel Holt saw the greatness, the potential for excellence within Takashi, and decided to rip out any semblance of normality and domesticity from Adam’s hands. It’s irrational, of course, to blame his misfortunes on someone else - a fellow man of science, no less - but Adam is scared that he hasn’t got any faith left in him to carry on. Sam swooped in and catered to every fibre in Takashi’s body that craved an opportunity to be useful, a part of something bigger on his way out.</p><p>But Adam knows all too well that a dying star that wants to be something entirely new can’t do anything without ruining what’s already in front of them.</p><p>The world sees Takashi as this Samson type figure, with the strength and tenacity of a hundred men, and the kindness to balance it out. If he’s the hero of this unconventional love story, then what does that make Adam? </p><p>Does he want to become Delilah? Or the pillars that Samson took down in a rage, blinded by love and grief? Will someone look at them and want to have what they have?</p><p>Is he both Apollo and Artemis, if Takashi is sweet, unknowing Orion? Does Adam sabotage his only chance of something good before it breaks him first?</p><p>Takashi wasn’t meant to become everything to Adam, and maybe that’s the problem, that he thinks he’s supposed to be everything to Takashi, too. </p><p>Dying stars, indeed.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Everyone knows Newton’s third law, so it comes as no surprise to Adam when he finds out that if love is infinite, so is loss, and so a heart can keep breaking as many times as there are stars, possibly more so if humans weren’t so mortal. He supposes that’s a blessing in disguise.</p><p>It’s a regular day, in what’s considered regular for Adam and Takashi these days.</p><p>“You know how important this is to me,” Takashi stubbornly insists, and it’s not even about science anymore. “It’s worth the risk.”</p><p>“Takashi,” he quietly begins, setting his coffee on the table a little too loudly. The ring on his finger glares back, accusatorily. He asks, “How important am I to you?”</p><p>The waves are suddenly far too loud in Adam’s ears, the shore now unwelcoming, and Takashi’s not even thinking rationally, he’s being too illogical-</p><p>Takashi rubs his forearm, and Adam knows it’s hurting, and he’s fighting every urge to run towards him. “You know how important this is to me!”</p><p>“There’s nothing left for you to prove, you’ve broken every record there is to break,” Adam continues, keeping his voice level. They’ve had this conversation once, twice, a hundred times before. </p><p>Isn’t love supposed to be infinite? Energy cannot be destroyed or created.</p><p>Takashi has always been a bit obnoxious, overly optimistic. He is insistent on being both Perseus and the Gorgon, while Adam has no choice but to sit, chained as Andromeda was, watching Takashi battle with himself. </p><p>What will Adam tell Aiko? How will she react when Adam admits he couldn’t make him happy enough to want to stay? </p><p>Who will Keith go to? Will he even stay?</p><p>Adam knows how stars work, he’s watched their births, he’s meticulously studied the theory. He knows what it’s like to burn so much that you collapse in on yourself. He even gets to see it up close. He knows that sometimes it’s better for stars to quietly fizzle out, to be content with your own patch of galaxy enough to not let it burn out in a fiery blaze.</p><p>He loves stars with no abandon, and let them promise him infinity from afar. He isn’t equipped to deal with the fallout of what happens next.</p><p>“I can’t do this again,” Adam begins, standing up and grabbing his bag. He doesn’t know where he’ll go. Maybe he’ll go back to Florida, where his mother waits with open arms, where he learned about heartbreak before he learned about love under the ochre light of a beach sunrise. </p><p>
  <em> (“Hugo, people don’t suddenly leave like that because of love, I’m not falling for this again.”) </em>
</p><p>Distance is what he needs, but it doesn’t mean that it’s what he wants.</p><p>Takashi is no different in his love for Adam and still, Adam chooses to make life difficult for himself even now. He doesn’t live in those movies his sister loves dearly, because life doesn’t end that way. Instead, life is the biggest experiment Adam will ever go through, and that’s that. </p><p>Hurricanes aren’t villains by nature, and neither is Takashi. </p><p>“If you decide to go, don’t expect me to be here when you get back.”</p><p>Adam doesn’t go back on decisions he’s made. <em> God</em>, he wishes he wasn’t so stubborn.</p><p><em> You killjoy</em>.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Maria is still two years older than him, Cam is still three and half years older. Adam will overtake Takashi in three months. Keith will turn 18 years old without him.</p><p>It’s an ordinary day when Adam watches the news, finds out Takashi dies by his own hands.</p><p>
  <em> Pilot Error. </em>
</p><p>Typical, that Takashi made it so Adam can’t find anyone else to blame this on. </p><p>It’s amazing how a heart can break as much as it loves, how stars have to burn out in order to be reborn. </p><p>Though the point still stands, Adam does love stars and Takashi more than anyone else in the whole world, he’s always been romantic like that. He’s always loved so fiercely, after all, he is his mother’s child.</p><p>Distance makes the heart grow fonder, anyway.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Right.</p><p>I'm going to begin by saying that this is the longest fic I have ever written. I have a soft spot for Adam, even though Lance is actually my comfort character when it comes to VLD as a whole - shockingly, I haven't even posted a Klance fic on here yet. I WILL FIX THIS.</p><p>I'm going to begin by thanking all the people I have bothered while writing this fic, because damn writing anything over 2k is tiring af, and I genuinely did not think I'd even finish writing this at all. </p><p>Please be gentle because I don't have a Beta and I am just a uni student who only works on fics when it's really late at night and decided that I can't keep reading over this until I hate it.</p><p>I'm also going to talk about the little references and stuff, because further context is nice, right?</p><p>1) Nora is based off my own mother, actually, and is actually quite lively and not as sad as Nora is - I wanted Nora to be a lot more like Adam because she is a big part of who he is today as a person. Basically Nora is Adam if he was heartbroken for the rest of his life. </p><p>2) Maria is based on myself, and how others view me, as well as an idealised main character of any romance film, if that makes sense. I'm a sucker for romance films, and wish I had a childhood best friends to lover romance, sue me. Maria's love for ancient Greek myths also comes from my own interest in them - I almost switched my degree over to Classics/Ancient History as a result. </p><p>3) Cam is inspired by Strawberry Blonde by Mitski - unrequited love and Mitski's experience as a mixed-race woman really spoke to me here so I just went with it. I actually have a playlist for this fic on spotify if you want it. I also play guitar into the late hours of the night... though I don't pick vegetables.</p><p>4) The idea of Shiro's family is inspired by the idea of my own extended family, who are all a lot more rambunctious than I am - though I'm not that close with them, which is shown in how bashful Shiro is with them.</p><p>5) The continued star metaphors are loosely based on Auden's poem 'The More Loving One', which is about unrequited love - Adam clearly believes he loves the people around him more than they love him and that it's deserving. Also, the fact that Auden himself is gay gives the poem an entirely differently feeling to it - gay yearning is something beautiful but in the painful way, you get me?</p><p>6) I'm not American, but I love going to Target! Yeah!<br/>But saying this, I have never been to Florida or New York either, which is why I did not describe either place in extreme detail. </p><p>7) I have a lot of deleted scenes, most of which surround Shiro's family and other moments with Keith if you're interested in me posting that as a separate work? I even did a whole family tree for them :')</p><p>8) Yes, Paul is named after Paul Rudd. He is deeply upset about it, which is his only toxic trait.</p><p>9) Song I've referenced/paraphrased in this fic include:<br/>Samson - Regina Spektor - <em>"Or the pillars that Samson took down in a rage, blinded by love and grief? Will someone look at them and want to have what they have?"</em><br/>Silas - Betty Who - <em>"...and he says Adam’s name like a prayer, caught in the reverence of whatever light he sees in him"</em><br/>Braille - Regina Spektor - <em>"No, she hadn’t been a virgin, and he wasn’t really a God, but somehow there was something magical about them."</em><br/>Lemon Boy - Cavetown - <em>"...wild like animals, sour like lemons.</em></p><p>10) Fics I had also been inspired by, but I don't want the writers themselves to see since I can never achieve their quality of writing in this life time and that would be very embarrassing.<br/>Any ancient Greek myth references - <em>in a future time; - thehandsingsweapon</em><br/>I have always used metaphors to show growth, continuation and decline, but I am also inspired by <em>our doubts are traitors - astoryaboutwar</em><br/>Adam's characterisation is slightly inspired by <em>you're lucky that's what i like - zenstrike</em>, <em>got you feeling found - constantblur</em> &amp; <em>beautiful thing - unknown author</em> </p><p>Can I say any biblical imagery is based off the bible under this section? Is the bible fanfiction for Christianity? Can I say that?<br/>11) Adam's favourite romance film, <em>Four Weddings and a Funeral</em> includes a bury your gays moment, so I thought it was fitting :)... and <em>Love, Rosie</em> was just an vague reference to Maria and Cam's relationship, although it only took them until they were 18/19 to get together, rather than the movie, and apparently the book's even worse in terms of slow burn.</p><p>12) Did you get my Hunk (and sorta Lance) cameo because of course Hunk made the good Spaghetti!!!!!</p><p>Thank you so much for reading, all comments are appreciated! Have a great (insert your time of day here)!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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